Yay, the A Levels have finally ended! Okay fine... it has ended like 2 weeks ago for me liao. -_-''' But hey, this is my 1st post since then lor. Anyway Sally said she wanted me to post sooner, cos being in HK, she hasn't been reading simplified Chinese characters for a long time. But i chose to post in English (or Singlish) instead. XD Haha sorry ya!

Well actually i decided to post in English this time cos im feeling rather sian now. It really depends on whether im in a more "Chinese mood" or a more "English mood", with the former happening usually when im feeling more emotional and the latter when im feeling neutral. And in this case, sianness is a rather "neutral" emotion i guess. Lol.

As you can see, i must be really sian to be crapping like this. Prior to and during the A Levels, i was actually envisioning the post-As to be a time where i can maximise my time to engage in leisure activities which i enjoy doing. But yet it has now degenerated into a prolonged period of perpetual nua-ing. And i mean nua-ing without play.

Okay maybe i should talk a little about the A Level exams. My 1st papers were Chinese Language & Literature (CLL). Overall i guess it was phenomenal cos this is the 1st time im able to complete all the questions on time, or at the very least attempted everything... though actually i fell a little short of the 13.5-pages-in-3-hours target for paper 2. However, i was disappointed with how i fared for the guwen (ancient text) component of paper 1, which is supposedly my strength. I guess regardless of my result for CLL, i should have been able to gain one higher grade if i had studied sufficiently for guwen.

GP was a total disaster. i dare say i had never performed so badly for GP before. It was even worse than my promos last year, which happened as i was half-asleep during the exam. Don't feel like talking too much about GP.

Then next was Maths, which happened to be a perculiar case for me as I have never passed Maths during my 2 years in JC. 0.O The papers were more difficult than 2007's, particularly given that last year's papers were no kick to many out there. I came out after doing paper 1 thinking i would get like 61 marks, but after calculation realised i would get 43. As for paper 2, i camed out somewhat comfident of achieving 90+, but ended up with 61. >< Thus, the average of the total is 52, which is a D. From the perspective of a long-term U grader for Maths, a D might seem like a major improvement. But in absolute terms, D is far from good when in reality, 9 in 10 HC students get A for Maths in the A Level (2007 stats). How do i reconcile this fact? Pinning my hopes on the bell-curve is useless as it will at most push me to C, and im very doubtful of whether the bell-curve exists in the 1st place.

Economics was a morale shaker for almost everyone, excluding me. Shocking? Well don't be. The only reason why i had a "okay feeling" is because im simply too lousy to appreciate the difficulty involved. By the same argument, I would say that i screwed up only slightly, yet my "slightly screwed-up" performance would in fact constitute a major screw-up on other people's part if they had performed the way i did. In fact, this is the subject where im not even confident of passing. "Okay" paper? Yeah right....

The only subject where i had a real shot at an A is my H1 Chemistry. Keeping my fingers crossed...

And thus, my realistic estimation of my grades is DDDDA. No kidding, im not that kind of people who claim they did badly but eventually get straight As. Thus, by right, I should be delighted if i managed to get some Bs or Cs. But would i? Especially when everyone around me will be gettings at least 3 As. It is this sad truth of my circumstances that i don't know how to face up to reality.

Okay enough about the exams. I guess i should update you on what im doing these days. After my exams ended on 14th Nov, i started on my preparation for the NAFA Grade 9 Erhu Exam. Don't ask me why im still taking Grade 9 when i already got my NUS Grade 8 three years ago, which is equivalent to the NAFA Grade 9. Too complicated to explain lar.

And then on the day of the Erhu exam, 25th Nov, i screwed up big time again. Well done man. Almost everything that could have gone wrong went wrong. And somehow, the feeling seems uncannily similar to how i did for GP....

When will i post next? I dunno... even though i have already planned on a series of themed entries to post, im really too lazy to do so. What is it about? Wait till then ba... if i ever decide to post at all. Zzzz sian... tired liao. Back to nua-ing.

相信这会是我在Prelims（甚至A Levels）之前的最后一个post吧！呵呵~~有时真的没劲儿动“笔”写blog。非要等到自己思绪万千之时方才有感而发，通过这个渠道来宣泄心中的感慨。

近几个星期来我心情一直都很低落，根本无心读书应付来临的大考。有时期盼得到朋友们的洞悉关怀，但希望总一次次地落空。其实他们是帮不了我的，因为我自己也不知道我真正想要得到些什么。或许我的多愁善感只是“少年不识愁滋味”的无病呻吟，但我却摆脱不了这段日子以来所积累的郁闷。

因为某些缘故而光顾了婧榕的blog，令我有点诧异，没想到婧榕竟是个如此in 的人。我不禁对于自己无法了解朋友的精神世界而感到万分的不安。

但游览婧榕blog却让我有了意外的收获。请看看以下摘来的片段吧：

[Received this email from one of my friends:

"Hi, I just came across this very touching local love story! Joanna is a 17 years old student in National Junior College. Like any other Singaporeans, she lives in a HDB flat and eats at coffeeshop. But she believes that she has a curse: She believes that whatever negative things that she said will come true. Jacky, a classmate of Joanna, believes that Joanna is not suffering from any “curse”. He believes that Joanna is just suffering from some mental illness. When their paths crossed, a touching love story began. Read their bittersweet love story at http://www.goodybooks.com/ibelieveyou.htm ! Over ten thousand readers in Singapore had read their story: now it’s your turn!You can watch the video trailer of the story at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wIDRtEOLWiU "

Read the first chapter le. It's quite nice. Gonna continue to read this story after my exams. ]

这部小说确实写得不错，我读了后也深深地被感动了。如此凄美的爱情故事，虽非惊世骇俗之作，但其大胆的构思却令我赞叹不已。然而，让我更为惊叹的却是同个作者Low Kay Hwa的另一部作品，"A Photogenic Life"。这本书在内容上的深度让我震撼了许久，同时也引发了我对人生、人性的思考，无形中也加深了我内心的惆怅。原来我们的生活都正如一个人为照相所摆的pose一般虚假。效果究竟是完美的photogenic image？抑或只是可怕的面具？就让我们一起尾随主人公Lindy进入她的内心世界吧... ...

在此我摘取了书中一些发人深省的话：

"There is a very indistinct difference between not remembering and forgetting: When we don’t remember, the memory still lingers at the back of our mind, threatening to pulse on us anytime. When we forget, we just don’t remember."

"How fragile is life? Strong enough to keep us alive, yet weak enough to kill us."

有兴趣就去读吧。我本身一定会去订购这两本书的。夜深了，再见... ...

看完了由婧妍、王茜和林峰在“华中——国大文史专题发表会”有关《色，戒》的呈现，我不由得思潮起伏，黯然神伤。在这夜深人静的时刻，产生了想要写写 Blog 的莫名冲动。呵呵~~应该可称意识流吧。（切记，以下言论不与《色，戒》挂钩。）

不知何故，我突然意识到，或更确切地说，有意识地意识到（i.e. 非无意识地）自己原来是个矛盾的个体。一方面，我一直向往着更高的精神层次，但在另一方面我却摆脱不了尘世间的功名利禄与七情六欲。或许，正因为一直徘徊在这种僵局里，我一直无法得到我渴望的升华，反之不断地堕落于迂腐与愚昧之中。

消极的人生态度也许让我的生活添加更多的忧愁，但我却找不到积极面对人生的理由。先前提到的矛盾，不断地在我生活中重现。自从来到高中部后，我就一直明白自己的文学功底与程度是远远逊色于他人的。但与此同时，我热爱中华文学和文化的赤诚之心仍然存在着，拂之不去。面对才华上的局限，我明白自己是无法在这方面有所作为的。所以，我就把自己将来的事业目标锁定在心理学这个领域里。但过了一年，我却开始心生疑虑，不知自己的目标是否正确。

茫。

或许你会觉得我写得杂乱无章，没什么探讨性的内容可言，而且对自己内心的感触没有进行全面的解释与剖析。但事实上，我也没这个心思为 blog entry 设定什么文章框架，抑或打算长篇大论地解释什么。我仅仅把它当作宣泄内心苦楚的媒介，且顺便让大家些许地了解我的感受。

不想多说了，后会有期。

Hi, ppl. It has really been a long time since i last blogged. Haha to be honest i specially chose this day, just to make it exactly a year. Lol.

When i look back at my blog entries last year, it occured to me that indeed, many things have happened ever since then. From the time of my last blog entry, i have embarked on an especially arduous journey, academically and emotionally.

Most significant and tangible were the setbacks i faced in my studies. During the C1 block tests last year, i scored all Us for my 4 H2 subjects, with only a B in GP to salvage the situation very minimally. As a result, i had to see the dean, Mrs Tan Ai Chin, and was forced to relinquish all my CCA commitments in CO, Huayun and LEP Council. Thereafter, I got 2 Us for Maths and Chem, S in Econs, and Es in CLL and GP in my promos. GP was a pity then, as i had been scoring consistent Bs during normal tests, only to flop the promos simply bcos i was too sleepy to concentrate. But that was not crucial, as getting 2 Us already meant that i had to downgrade a H2 subject to H1 to be promoted to C2. Eventually, i chose to downgrade my weakest subject, chemistry.

Needless to say, the emotional struggle associated with such pathetic results is painful. But what made the entire experience heart-whrenching was that it was coupled with a period of strained relationships with my classmates. The lack of encouragement and friendship from these people whom i spend everyday in lessons with made me depressed, and perhaps very irritable. Given that i was somewhat sucidal during this phase, the support i gained from the close friends i have had since high sch were really timely. I remembered telling Alvin Aw after getting back my promos papers that the only reason why i was alive was because the marginal cost of dying was greater than that of living (using econs as explanation), not bcos living had much benefit per se.

The Dec holidays was a really memorable and fun experience, as i was given the chance to visit Taiwan for 2 weeks based on my LEP scholarship. However, bcos of my poor results last year, the scholarship was revoked early this year. This was a major blow to me, but i recovered from my despair soon enough, with encouragement from friends and my dear senior, Kai Li.

Fortunately, 2008 proved to be a better year, perhaps because I was determined not to make the same mistakes of daoing my tutorials till they snowball like last year. Learning chemistry under the H1 syllabus also made it more fun and less stressful. This is partly due to the syllabus itself, but also partly due to my great tutors, Mr Collin Loy and Mrs Chin, who are really supportive and patient with us. Relationship with my classmates also improved, likely due to the fact that I'm no longer the CLL Rep, and hence they were less likely to bu shuang me due to collection of homework and LEP funds.

Block test 1 this year proved to be a better experience than BT and promos last year. Basically my results are...

H1 Chemistry: U
Mathematics: U
Economics: S
Chinese Language & Literature: D
General Paper: B

Of cos, compared to the rest of the student population, my results is still considered very lousy. But i do see myself taking baby steps towards improvement, especially in CLL and GP. For CLL, i was actually prepared to get S or U, but the D resulting from my heavy mugging in Gu3 Wen2 showed that i am actually capable of scoring if i really put my heart into studying, i.e. i am not as stupid as i think. As for GP, being able to top the class was really unanticipated. Though GP has been my best subject since entering JC, i had not expected myself to score higher than GP pros Zheng Hang and Xianzhe.

Well, I have no idea what the future holds for me... whether i will be able to do better for BT2? Whether i can get silver for NAPFA (army requirement)? Whether the CO concert in June will be successful? Whether my SL project can pull through? Whether i will do well for my 'A' Levels? Whether i can enter university? Whether i can get a scholarship? And also, whether i will be posting another blog entry this year (lol), or let this blog rot for another year again? Haha, I do hope the best will come true. Shall jiayou, mug and stop slacking! XD

Hi, everyone. The Chinese Society & Huangcheng elections + xiao huang cheng just ended on a high note today. Congrats to all new Chinese society zhiwei and Huangcheng chouwei members, especially to my dearest friends, Wee Lic (cw ticketing), Hui Ying (cw secretary), Pei Ying (cw cuichang), Kian Yang (zw Vice-President cum cw Vice-Zongjian), Kah Ming (cw sheying leader) and Tania (zw public relations cum Gefang Vice-President). Special congrats to Hui Ying, whom i supported the most. See? Have confidence and you made it! Haha.

Many people has asked me this question: Why aren't you running for sheying leader?

Well, here is my reply. I had badly wanted to stay in huangcheng and serve as a sheying leader, but this was impossible because of my other CCA, Chinese Orchestra. Hence, the decision was to be made to choose between huangcheng and CO, but yet the 2 were mutually exclusive. As what zhengyou said, if i stay in huangcheng, i will have to quit CO sooner or later. I knew the obvious choice had to be CO, cos i did not want to waste the past 4 years of effort in CO. After the sec schs' SYF which passed recently, I realised that I still loved CO dearly, at a time when I thought I had lost all my interest in CO. I did not expect myself to feel so much dispair when the high school CO did not clinch gold with honours. No matter what, CO is my first love, and I should not ditch her for a second love, esp when I still love her deeply. With this, I made my choice to leave huangcheng.

But till today, I has not gotten over this decision. The situation was made worse when I learnt that Rui An is not running for sheying leader, which means only Kah Ming is running. This means that as long as i decide to run, I will be auto-walkover. This was indeed an attractive offer, yet there were dire consequences. At times, I wanted to shout out: can i run? But my conscious mind held me back. It was quite heart-wrenching to see an opportunity gone just like that. However, on the bus home. I finally sorted out my thoughts. As a member of huangcheng, I am not one who can contribute a lot. I had little expertise in photography to offer. In short, i won't make much difference to huangcheng, but I know that I can make a difference to CO if I try. Not that CO needs me, but I feel that I can contribute more to CO rather than huangcheng. And hence, i relinquished.

But in a bid to keep my final connection with Chinese Soc, I auditioned for Huayun, and managed to scrape through successfully. I hope that by doing so, I can still proudly say that, I am still a member of Chinese Soc, even if I leave huangcheng. However, I wish to clarify that this is just one of my reasons for joining huayun. Im definitely interested in huayun. Its not fair to huayun to say that it is merely a substitute for huangcheng. This is definitely not the case. Whatever the future holds for me, I really don't know. But I hope that when I look back at today in the future, I will not regret my decision.

Thank you, huangcheng. I love u.

It has been 3 days since huangcheng 07 ended (or to be relatively exact, 75 hours). im sorta starting to recover from what Huang Pei calls pHD (post-huangcheng depression). for these past 3 days, i've been in a rather dazy state, relinquishing myself all the way and self-indulging in the fond memories of huangcheng. to be honest, i've been spending my time sleeping since mon, but whenever i am awake, im always thinking of huangcheng, especially reminiscing the lines of the actors. For some reason, huangcheng seemed so close... but yet so far, as though 3 months instead of 3 days have passed.

Hmm im thinking... how time had passed since the day i stepped into B101 to register for huangcheng. usually for me, time passes very slowly, no matter how ppl says that times flies when you are enjoying yourself. but this time, these 3 months have really gone like the wind. i guess... i guess huangcheng has really really made me happy. such is the extent of gratification that huangcheng has provided me with. as what liang wen fu said in his recording for the opening video, "once a huangcheng ren, forever a huangcheng ren". I can't really remember what he added on after that, but i guess his words sum up my love for huangcheng.

I will take the chance to thank everyone in huangcheng who has made this performance possible, with special thanks to the following people:

• My 2 摄影 group leaders: Yu Yin and Cheryl
• My 摄影 mates: Rui An, Kah Ming, Jasmin, Julianna, Qin Yuan, Mei Jie, Hui Ling & Xia Yan
• The 3 总监s: Xin Yu, Ming Ming and Yun Zhou
• The directors and SMs of the 3 plays, especially for 等巴士, the one which im attached to for filming
• All actors, especially actors of 等巴士: Sua Yu (男主角), Choon Yen (女主角), Kelly (阿嫂), Jun Jie (流浪汉), Hui Ying (失恋女) & Wei Li (男朋友)

Besides that, I would also like to thank everyone who gave me notes and presents. firstly, i would like to thank my beloved sheying leaders Cheryl and Yu Yin for the lovely fish cushion/pillow, the note as well as the ferrero rocher chocholates. 2ndly, thanks to choon yan for the sweets and note. 3rdly, thanks to kah ming for the note. next will be to my dear CO xianyue peeps, hannah, ziwei, shiyu, adela & adeline for the flower. too bad it wilted in the night. )= and last but not least, a mysterious person who gave me a Winnie the Pooh balloon. till now i really have no idea who that person is... but thanks anyway. oh still got... as 摄影 group, thanks to Ming Ming for the box of ferrero rocher and the actors for the large amounts of sweets. We appreciate it a lot.

Im contemplating whether to join Chinese Society (the overall of huangcheng) after that, due to my CO commitments. it seems that it is impossible to join both, as both require lots of time (at least according to seniors). if so i guess i will choose CO, but then again, if im not selected for SYF this year, i may choose Chinese Soc instead. Ahh im confused, cos i heard that for the later part of the year, there will be not much activities for huangcheng, which means that it seems possible for me to hold membership in both CCAs. but den how about next year? Let's see the example of Samuel, who is a member of CO but not Chinese Soc, yet he was in huangcheng for both years. issant that a case which shows that it is possible to go for both? but den, why did he not join Chinese Soc in that case? what is the difference between joining huangcheng for both years and joining Chinese Soc and huangcheng for 2 years? can someone enlighten me????

Please pls, someone help.

feeling very emo and depressed now.

yesterday was the release of the results of JAE. ivan, shiju and yinyue went off to other jcs, while chongwee is appealing to go to NJ. 4 out of 25 in the class going off? not necessarily. william is going to switch to a KI class, kai teng is switching to PCME but may not stay in the class & tania may be switching to AEP from LEP. SEVEN... the no. is too big for me to accept, esp when most of the ones going off are my best friends in class. 5 of them come from CLL, which leaves 5 others (excluding me). if we exclude the physics people altogether, i'm left with only 2 good friends taking the same combi as me: peiying and kahming. how can this be possible??? suddenly, it seems as though everyone has deserted me. 众叛亲离.

William shared with me his journal of thoughts for the last time today, after which, we will not be classmates anymore. (bcos of huangcheng he won't be coming to school for the rest of the week) never thought that i would miss him so much. it was only till today that i realised how much i had depended on him for studies and emotional support throughout the past 3 months........... 3 months??! how fast 3 months have passed. it only seemed yesterday that our class 07S61 was formed.

i dunno wad to say... im really not in the right mind to blog. but no matter what, I wish everyone the best in their future endeavours. hope we meet again.

Ng Gim Thia 黄锦程
A.D. 24th February 1990 06:06 | 农历庚午年正月廿九日卯时
Horse 马
Pisces 双鱼座

Hwa Chong Institution (College Section) :: 华侨中学 (高中部)

Chinese Orchestra 华乐 | Erhu 二胡 | Gold (with Honours) 07
Huang Cheng Ye Yun 黄城夜韵 | Photography 摄影
Hua Yun 华韵 | Artistic Design 美术
LEP 语特/华苑文林 | Logistics I/C 总务 | Class CLL Rep
Artemis | Blue | Dolphin | Goddess of the Hunt and the Wild
07S61 | Orientation 07 CT Flag Competition CHAMPION | CNY 07 Combined Flag-Lantern Competition CHAMPION

Hwa Chong Institution (High School Section) :: 华侨中学 (中学部)

Chinese Orchestra 华乐 | Erhu 二胡 | Gold (with Honours) 05
Aphelion 汇聚共识联 | Rocket | 'Building Bridges, Realizing Dreams'
4B'06 | 3B'05 | 2D'04 | 1A'03

St. Anthony's Primary School :: 圣安东尼小学
6-2'02 | 5-2'01 | 4-1'00 | 3-1'99 | 2-1'98 | 1-1'97